The Good Old Days
by 42fuzzydudes
Summary: A fic to honor the best of the classic Broadway songs.
1. La Cage aux Folles

**A prelude to the fic:**

**When Glee first started its message was that the musical arts were amazing, and it stressed how important it was to believe in show tunes, even if they were not popular and singing them proudly would get a slushy thrown in your face. Not to over analyze, but Glee was about following what was good, not the popular trend. And, just my opinion, but I think it is straying from that path. The show is bending to meet the average viewer's wants and losing the old-fashioned tunes for the modern beat. So this fic brings you, with more or less plot, original show tunes, from the good old musicals. **

**

* * *

**

On one level, Kurt was thankful for the opportunity to go to Dalton. He understood that his parents had given up their honeymoon for him, and he felt physically lighter with the constant worry about Kravosky off his chest. The Glee Club there concerned him, but he was sure he would eventually rise above them with his (in his own opinion) undeniably superior talent. And for the first time the classes were challenging, he actually struggled with homework… which was not all bad. Kurt was working hard just to keep up in pre-calculus, but Blain was very good at math, and willing to tutor. No, the school was all alright. It was the students that gave him the heebie-jeebies.

They all looked alike to him, a sea of black coats with red trim, perfectly combed hair, and fake looking, but most likely real smiles. He had given up on names long ago, and mostly tried to remember them by their ID number, a code the school computers used to charge them for lunch, but was also sewn into the hem of their school jacket. The only name he really knew was Blain, though he partially identified him as 3772.

Blain was sitting to Kurt's left, and both watched as a substitute math teacher drew a graph on the board. Kurt stared at the graph and felt his head turn to the side as he tried to make sense of it.

"Logarithmic," He whispered to Blain, "that's like exponential, right?"

"In one sense," Blain responded smiling, "In another, no, they are complete opposites."

Ms. Grey gave them the rest of the class as work time, and Kurt sighed with relief. He was flipping to "L" in his text book glossary when the two guys that sat in front of him, 2842 and 4625, turned around in their seats and put a notebook in front of Blain.

"Hey," One said under his breath, "we're ranking the sub on a scale from one to hot. Your opinion?"

Blain looked away. "She's not my type." He said quietly.

They laughed "Then you're blind." The other boy said, then they both turned back to question those in front of them.

Waiting until class let out, Kurt cornered Blain in the hall.

"What the fuzzy oven mitt was that?" He interrogated.

"What was what?"

"That, back in the classroom. I thought you had come skipping in a feather boa out of the closet."

"I'm out. I just don't advertise it."

"'Not my type?' A deep understatement, they obviously did not know. I thought they were sorta your friends."

"They are, I just don't like to cause a fuss. Only my closest friends really need to know."

"Then it's still like you are ashamed of it, like you are still hiding. Watch this."

"No, Kurt!" Blain shouted after him, but it was no good.

Kurt walked to the middle of the hallway, and said as loudly as he could without infringing on the no shouting rule. "I AM GAY AND PROUD!"

There was little reaction, 3293 gave a thumbs up, but the rest kept walking. He turned back to face Blain, but his friend was walking away with his hand shielding his face.

"I don't know you." Blain said with a smile. Kurt wheeled him around.

"You do that, go out there." An open gesture indicated a perfect shouting hallway. Blain smiled and kept walking to class. Kurt remained where he was, looking after Blain and refusing to run after him. "You told me to be sure of who I was. I know it is harder to stand up to stranger then an enemy, but I thought you were that strong enough to get above this pit of conformity." He said it loud enough so he knew Blain heard, but 3772 kept walking.

The two did not talk for the rest of the day, but Kurt could not help but start up a conversation the next morning. He stormed up to Blain during the pre-school study hall and slammed, as loudly as he could, a piece of paper down on Blain's desk.

"Really?" Kurt interrogated.

Blain picked up the paper and held it gingerly. "This appears to be this week's lunch performance list." He said in an analyzing tone. "Interesting, interesting, my own name appears to be circled in red."

"Mmm hmm, now what else is circled in red?"

"It appears to be the song I'm singing, _Anne on My Arm_."

"Now what is that supposed to mean?"

"Probably that I am singing _Anne on My Arm_ during lunch tomorrow."

Kurt rolled his eyes. During lunch at Dalton students would sign up to perform. It nicely provided live acts or music while they ate, and an audience for the many at the school who needed a creative outlet.

"I mean _Anne on My Arm_. Could you have picked a more macho song?"

"I could have sung _Masculinity_. Doesn't it count for anything that it is from La Cage aux Folles?"

"A, _Masculinity's_ name is extremely misleading, in that it is hardly more manly, and B, just because a song is from La Cage aux Folles does not mean it is not macho. You managed to pick the only song in the whole play sung by a straight guy."

"Assuming you don't count when Anne's dad sings."

"And I don't"

"Look, are we really still talking about this?" Blain shut his textbook, giving up all pretense of getting work done. "I am gay, and I'm not ashamed of it, it's just that the whole world does not need to know. And you're the one that actually kissed a girl."

"It was a phase, I went through it. And I hope this," Kurt waved his hand in Blains general direction, "is also something you are just going through. You can't keep hiding from strangers, even if it is easier than being you." Throwing down the performance list as angrily as one could throw paper, Kurt stormed off.

"_Anne on My Arm_ is a pretty song!" Blain shouted after him, but other than getting a strange look from other students in study hall, it did no good.

To Kurt's frustration, he found himself avoiding Blain. It seemed to be the only thing he could do, Blain obviously did not want to hear the same lecture again, and Kurt didn't think he could be around Blain without lecturing. So he arrived late to classes and sat in the back. He did not meet up with Blain after school, and did not go to study hall the next day. However, he did go to the cafeteria, no matter how angry he was, he would not miss Blain singing.

Blain had the last time slot for performing at lunch, and followed a terrible rendition of _Some Enchanted Evening_ from South Pacific. He walked confidently onto stage, and appeared completely comfortable standing in front of the school, holding the mic.

"_Girls have come and gone, Papa" _Blain began singing_._

"_Angelique and Antoinette_

_Or did I prefer Leslie or Hélène?_

_It was all a blur, and yet, Papa,"_

Blain made the rookie mistake of looking at the audience, and caught Kurt's eye. He missed a beat and had to rush to catch up._  
"When Anne comes running down the street,_

_I link my arm in hers,_

_Girls have come and gone,"_

Blain's voice faltered and he slowed, the piano player that volunteered to play background music glared at him and attempted to match the singer's beat.

_"Girls may come— _NO! No, please_"_

The last was a shout at the piano player. Now Blain had completely stopped singing and was staring at Kurt, and Kurt thought he saw Blain mouth "You're right." The piano player continued awkwardly for a moment, then stopped.

"Sorry." Blain said shortly into the microphone, and then he walked over to the piano and flipped a few pages in the music book. "This song is also from La Cage aux Folles, and I think it is better suited for me. It is also just a better song." The piano started up and Blain walked back to the center of the stage.

"_I am what I am_

__

I am my own special creation.

So come take a look,

_Give me the hook of the ovation._

__

It's my world that I want to take a little pride in,

My world, and it's not a place I have to hide in.

Life's not worth a damn,

'Til you can say, 'Hey world, I am what I am.'"

Blain had started out softly, but his voice grew stronger.

_"I am what I am,_

__

I don't want praise, I don't want pity.

I bang my own drum,

Some think it's noise, I think it's pretty.

And so what, if I love each feather and each spangle,

Why not try to see things from a diff'rent angle?

Your life is a sham 'til you can shout out loud

I am what I am!

I am what I am

And what I am needs no excuses.

I deal my own deck

Sometimes the ace, sometimes the deuces.

There's one life, and there's no return and no deposit;

One life, so it's time to open up your closet.

Life's not worth a damn 'til you can say,

'Hey world, I am what I am!'"

**For those unfamiliar with the songs and curious, here are links. Spaces must be removed from both sides of the word youtube.**

**Anne on My Arm - www. youtube .com/watch?v=OpRELssPWw0&playnext=1&list=PL7D38D6522635AF4A&index=5**

**I Am What I Am - www. youtube .com/watch?v=QIieez9FApM&feature=BF&list=PL7D38D6522635AF4A&index=12**


	2. Little Shop of Horrors

Will turned around and looked back down the school hallway, thinking his name had been called. After a pause he continued to walk.

"Will!" He heard again, and saw Emma motioning him over from the door to her office.

"Hey." Will replied in greeting as he entered the counseling office and took a seat.

"Good morning, Will." Emma said, smiling, as she took a seat opposite from him and smoothed down the papers in front of her. "I wanted to talk to you, I don't think you have been quite yourself lately. I think you have been avoiding me, and I just wanted to make sure that this didn't have anything to do with Carl."

"No, no, I'm fine, and very happy for you, I've just been busy lately." He lied. The previous day had been spent inventing sandwiches.

"Are you sure you're OK with this?" She asked with concern.

"I am great! In fact, I have a girl friend." Both lies.

"That's great Will! Carl and I have been wanting to double date. Are you two free Friday night?"

"Oh, shoot, I wish I could, but I have a dentist appointment then, and the doctor is booked solid, couldn't possibly miss it."

"That's a shame. Friday's the only time we're free. Oh, I've got it. You could cancel that dentist appointment and reschedule with Carl, I am sure he would be able to get you a discount."

"That would be great!" He lied. "Have him call me with an appointment." Will stood up and moved to the door, suddenly feeling a need for fresh air.

"I thought you were very busy."

"I, um, am, but I can reschedule grading papers." He invented quickly. "See you later."

He slammed the door behind himself and looked around wildly. Where was he going to find a date in two days? Most guys had a little book of phone numbers, but he was recently divorced, and had not really started dating.

oOoOo

The next day came and brought Schuster's dentist appointment before any progress on the double date problem.

"Hey there, Will." Carl greeted him at the office. The appointment had been made for slightly after office hours and most of the lights were off. A teenager, the previous patient, was leaving the office. Schuster was shocked to recognize Brittany.

The cheerleader gave Will a confused look. "Do I know you from somewhere?" She asked, but left before getting an answer.

Carl gestured to her as she left, and said quietly to Will, "I got to pull three of her teeth today." He laughed harshly for a moment, and then showed Will to the dentist chair. "Well, look at these chompers!" Carl pulled on rubber gloves with a snap and pried Will's mouth open. "This one in the back might have to go!" He let out another sharp laugh, almost a cackle, as he picked up a rusted metal tool with a spinning blade. "Yaa, oh boy! I've been lookin' for a use for this one for a while."

"Wait, what are you doing?" Will held out a hand and sat up quickly in the chair.

"Ya know," The dentist said conversationally, "It will be easier to get to that tooth if we go straight through the cheek."

"No way! What is the matter with you?" Will pressed himself against the chair.

In response, the dentist sneered, and began singing.

"_When I was younger, just a bad little kid,_

_My mama noticed funny things I did,_

_Like shootin' puppies with a B B gun_

_I'd poison guppies, and when I was done_

_I'd find a pussycat and bash in its head_

_That's when my mama said"_

Out of curiosity, Will asked

"_What did she say?"_

Carl grinned and continued,

" '_My boy, I think someday_

_You'll find a way _

_To make your natural tendencies pay'"_

With a flourish, Carl turned on the spinning blade.

"'_You'll be a dentist_

_You have a talent for causin' things pain_

_Son, be a dentist_

_People will pay you to be inhumane_

_Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood_

_And teaching would suit you still less'"_

He looked at Will for confirmation, and received a nod in reply.

"'_Son, be a dentist_

_You'll be a success'"_

Carl stuck a needle into Will's gums.

"_Oh that hurts!" _Schuster exclaimed. Then Carl began approaching with the blade.

"_I'm not numb!"_

"_Oh, shut up. Open wide. here I come!" _Carl sneered awfully.

_I am your dentist"_

Will backed away, shouting, "_Goodness gracious!"_

Carl continued "_And I enjoy the career that I picked"_

_I am your dentist _

_And I get off on the pain I inflict_

_I thrill when I drill a bicuspid_

_It's swell, though they tell me I'm maladjusted_

_And though it may cause my patients distress,_

_Somewhere, somewhere in heaven above me_

_I know, I know, that my mama's proud of me"_

He knelt on the ground in front of a photo on his desk.

"_Oh, mama" _He said, and allowed a moment of silence.

"_Cause I'm a dentist and a success"_

He stood back up, and approached will with the device, smiling.

"_Say ah!"_

"_Ah!" _Will said.

"_Say aaah!"_

"_Aaah!" _The patient shouted.

"_Say AAAH! "_

"_AAAH!" _Schuster jumped off the chair and ran out the office door. He passed by the dentist and the whirring tool, but did not look back.

"Thank you! My teeth feel better!" He shouted over his shoulder, then jumped in his car and drove off.

oOoOo

Schuster found himself at school teaching first hour, and was still dateless, and slightly sleep deprived. He had been up all night with nightmares of an evil dentist and a huge carnivorous plant that kept demanding blood. At one point during the class instead of saying "please pass your homework forward" he accidentally shouted "the dentist is off his rocker!" Fortunately, he shouted it in Spanish, but it still slightly concerned him that none of his students understood him.

Eventually the school day ended, and he was still completely dateless. For a moment he even considered asking out his ex-wife, but hot and cold was not the impression he wanted to give Emma. Head hung with the weight of failure; he made his way to counselor's office, fully prepared to admit his lie.

"I am sorry; I lied about having a girl friend. I just wanted to make you feel jealous or something, because I still have feelings for you. And I don't know how to break this to you, but your husband is a maniac." Is what he really, REALLY, meant to say.

However, he actually said. "I am sorry about the double date tonight, but about my girlfriend… She just moved to Canada, so she can't make it. I wish you could meet her, but she is in Canada."

Emma looked up from organizing her pencils longest to shortest and smiled reassuringly. "That's okay, I'm sorry she moved. You are still joining us though, right?"

It wasn't until ten minutes later, as Will was driving away from the school that he realized he had agreed to still go to dinner.

oOoOo

For the most part, and contrary Will's fears, dinner was actually OK. They went to a nice little Italian place, and when outside of the office Carl was quite sane. Civil, almost. He stabbed his dinner with a little more force than necessary, but otherwise appeared kind.

But Will could not help imagining himself on the other side of the table, with himself married to Emma and the loser dentist sitting alone. He could not get into the flow of conversation, and for the most part the couple talked, and he focused on trying to pretend a piece of corn was Carl, and then stabbing it with his fork. Slowly, he felt himself going crazy, and began planning escape routes.

When Emma excused herself to the bathroom he pounced on the opportunity to excuse himself too, but instead went out onto the restaurant's back porch. He leaned over the railing and pulled in deep breaths. After an unknown amount of time he felt a tap on his shoulder, and looked up to see Emma.

Without thinking, Will blurted out, "He's crazy!"

Emma smiled and nodded, "I know, but he's the only fella I got."

Once again, Will spoke without forethought. "You could have me. I would be so much better for you." He picked up her hand. "The fact that I don't get joy from ripping out teeth already puts me above him. Give me a chance; you could be so much happier."

She turned away from him, but did not pull her hand out of his. "I know he has a small problem with his work." Will snorted. "But outside of dentistry, he is very sweet. He is kind, and maybe you are right. Maybe you would be better. Carl is nice enough though, and he has a decent career. I just want a happy life Will, and I think Carl can guarantee it. I really don't need much." Emma let go of his hand and sat down on the edge of the balcony singing.

_"A matchbox of our own  
A fence of real chain link"_

She ran her hand along the porch fence_  
"A grill out on the patio  
Disposal in the sink  
A washer and a dryer and an ironing machine  
In a tract house that we share  
Somewhere that's green."_

Emma stood up, and took Will's hands in hers.

"He rakes and trims the grass  
He loves to mow and weed  
I cook like Betty Crocker  
And I look like Donna Reed  
There's plastic on the furniture  
To keep it neat and clean  
In the Pine-Sol scented air  
Somewhere that's green

Between our frozen dinner  
And our bedtime, nine-fifteen  
We snuggle watchin' Lucy  
On our big, enormous twelve-inch screen"

She held her hands a foot apart, and grinned calmly

"I'm his December Bride  
He's Father, he Knows Best  
Our kids watch Howdy Doody  
As the sun sets in the west"

Emma pointed to the lowering sun, and leaned against an empty table._  
"A picture out of Better Homes and Gardens magazine  
Far from out school  
I dream we'll go  
somewhere that's green."_

She was silent for a moment, smoothing her dress, and then looked up at Will. "I might want you more, but I won't regret this decision. Carl is everything I need." She broke eye contact, and walked inside. Will shook his head, and walked to his car and drove away.

* * *

**It pains me not to have used **_**Suddenly, Seymour**_**, as it is arguably one of the prettiest songs, but no one in Glee is named Seymour… And Suddenly Schuster would be kinda lame. If you are new to these songs and are curious, links are below. Once again, remove spaces from either side of the word youtube.**

**Be a Dentist – www. youtube .com/watch?v=KY1FwwzqWhs&feature=related**

**Somewhere That's Green - www. youtube .com/watch?v=Q_A50V0WOgE&feature=related**


End file.
